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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Mostly everyday I have to choose between being positive or negative, like most people.  If I wake up early like I've been doing this week, usually around 6 am, I feel well-rested, strong and ambitious.  But what is there to do this early?  I think "Well, I'll mess around with some video games for a bit before the day really starts."

This is foolish.  I have no day to start, so telling myself I will do something a few hours from waking is useless. 

I don't have anything to do.  Nothing screaming my name to pay attention to it. 
I am severely unhappy with life, not just my life, but life in general. 

I got up at 6am today, and felt great, but I'm hitting a bad low right now.  Will I come back up again?  I'm not sure.  I figure I need to keep moving or I'll want to just remain in a stasis.  I'm so full of anxiety that all my actions feel weightless.  I think I need a therapist, and some xanax.

We all need to show ourselves the best path to follow each day, or simply walk through it blindly.  Both of these strategies can succeed and fail, but atleast you're making a choice to live. 

Even in these lulls, there's sure to be something interesting around the corner, be it negative or positive. 
Sometimes all you can do is hold on to life and try to force something from your path, or onto it, whichever is your intention at that moment.


I guess I'm just bored.  My passions are dormant-- the pilot light in my being is unignited.  Is that a word?  Unignited?

Moreover, have you ever heard of a fabul?  Why do we say something or someone is full of them then? 


I love a terrible joke now and then.

1 comment:

  1. Its not just you who is negative. Fuck dude... Look at TV. Watch prime time television for a moment. The only thing that is on TV is mindless game shows, and a bunch of over acted dramas that set the mood to depression. Its always a rape being investigated by a single adult who has relationship troubles and a slough of social battles that are never over come. Its not YOU, its life. Perhaps, you should just go with the flow and not be so analytical. By constantly analyzing the bullshit, you will never have clean hands.

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