New Year Fear

Happy New Year!


Not yet, but soon we will be ushering in a brand new year.  What will we learn this year?

I hope to learn  many things, including:

Legitimate and illegitimate ways to make money,
and.......

Hmmm.   This requires more thought.

Mostly everyday I have to choose between being positive or negative, like most people.  If I wake up early like I've been doing this week, usually around 6 am, I feel well-rested, strong and ambitious.  But what is there to do this early?  I think "Well, I'll mess around with some video games for a bit before the day really starts."

This is foolish.  I have no day to start, so telling myself I will do something a few hours from waking is useless. 

I don't have anything to do.  Nothing screaming my name to pay attention to it. 
I am severely unhappy with life, not just my life, but life in general. 

I got up at 6am today, and felt great, but I'm hitting a bad low right now.  Will I come back up again?  I'm not sure.  I figure I need to keep moving or I'll want to just remain in a stasis.  I'm so full of anxiety that all my actions feel weightless.  I think I need a therapist, and some xanax.

We all need to show ourselves the best path to follow each day, or simply walk through it blindly.  Both of these strategies can succeed and fail, but atleast you're making a choice to live. 

Even in these lulls, there's sure to be something interesting around the corner, be it negative or positive. 
Sometimes all you can do is hold on to life and try to force something from your path, or onto it, whichever is your intention at that moment.


I guess I'm just bored.  My passions are dormant-- the pilot light in my being is unignited.  Is that a word?  Unignited?

Moreover, have you ever heard of a fabul?  Why do we say something or someone is full of them then? 


I love a terrible joke now and then.

Lobes

I spend the majority of my time playing with video games and generally wasting time.

I could spend this time reading, exercising, looking for a job, cleaning the house, etc.

Though I do exercise, I do so much less than I used to, and I'm not exactly sure why that is.

I've been looking for a job, but it's not as easy as going out there and grabbing one.  Sure, I could work at Mcdonald's starting today if I wanted to.  I could also forcibly insert a razor-sharp nail file into my occipital lobe.  I've had some shitty jobs, and some great jobs, and I'm not about to willfully subject myself to further mental destruction. 

It's all a question of motivation and ambition.
I don't think I was born with either of those essential human values.  No, I believe I was born with a variable in my brain where these notions normally occur. 

Great!

Either the world is against you all the time, or not against you, or you can't state either of these without making complete nonsense.


It doesn't make any sense to say "the world" is against you.  Why?  The "world" is made up of billions of individuals.  The world as it is, is not a single entity.  In a collective sense, it is, but unless you go and meet EVERY SINGLE person in the world and you find out that they ALL THINK YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE, then you can't realistically claim that everyone is against you, correct? 

This notion is pressed even further when you consider this all-important factoid:

Not one of us is special.  And the universe doesn't care.

It just don't give a fuck. 

So, if you're Brad Pitt, Lady Gaga, or Mike Clement...who the fuck cares?

Well, I care about Mike Clement.  I'm a Mike Clement fan.  Ask me if I am a Brad Pitt or Lady Gaga fan.  Go on, ask me.  Let me answer that question for you right now:
No.  I do not care for Mr. Pitt or Ms. Gaga.  I do not give a fuck about their personal lives.  The universe, if it were a living, breathing entity, which would make no sense, would look at them and think "Well well, what a couple of insignificant shits.  And this Steve DeJohn guy?  Well, he makes no money at all, so he's worth even less!  Sike, I don't give a fuck about him just as much."

This is sobering for us--we are realistic, though depressed. 

I feel like complete garbage.  I've been up since 4 am. 


Many clothes were received this Christmas.

And now I'm writing a bit about that.


Man, what a waste of your time.

Happy Christian Holiday

On this wonderful Christmas morning, I ask you:

Do you even believe in Jesus Christ?

Just ask yourself that same question.  Do you, or do you not?

Now think on this question:

Do you still believe in Santa Claus?


As an agnostic I've made the decision that since I can't prove or disprove anything, the only thing I'll believe in is uncertainty.  Many would say that this is a poor view of the world, but really...what else is more rational and fair? 

We grew up believing Santa Claus existed, came down the chimney, and threw gifts all over our living rooms just because we behaved well (and even when we behaved poorly, which is bullshit).  Then our parents or friend or sick uncle blew the bubble and our worlds were cast into darkness and incredulity: "I can't believe this shit!  You lied to me?"

Well, twenty (20) years later, I don't believe in Santa Claus, but I'm still urged to believe in make-believe entities.  Or are they?  We've already proven a fat man can't fit down a chimney, so what's the difference between that and a man being resurrected?  And where is he today?

I don't mean to offend anyone, or critique their beliefs....but really, people....what the fuck are you on about?


Uh....Merry Christmas!

VELKOMMEN!

I'm not 

a great writer.  I'm not sure I ever will be.  I try my best to convey the thoughts and ideas I have through the written word, but alas, I know I am destined to fall short of greatness.  Very freaking short.

My mom tells me differently, but I know the truth, just like you know the truth about yourself: we're not over-achievers, and we're not "great."  

The reason we're not great is because the conditions that must exist to be considered great were never made clear to us, and peering through the smudgy looking glass provided us by our governing societies, our views of honor and worth are becoming more and more distorted.

I'll keep this first post short and try to give you an idea of what I intend to do with this wonderful website I've been granted.

Whatever pops into my head that I feel like writing about, I'll play around with the idea of publishing it if I feel it'll be worth your while to read. If there is anything you'd like to read about, you can always ask me or make a suggestion.

Want to look into a new or old movie's review?  Video games?  Literature?  

Do you have some pressing issue you'd like me to take notice of as well so you don't feel like you're the only person ripping your hair out about it?

Please feel free to throw your wonders and beliefs my way.  

I may be a frog, and you a toad, but really, we're pretty much the same fecking thing through the gaze of a clear looking glass.